Umm...

First time on the internet in over 10 days. Record. Probably the least important piece of information I could put here.

I was thinking what kind of post to do. I couldn´t come up with much. I decided to do my own version of a lonely planet guide book, from my perspective, with some asides and a little more color. It´s called the ¨Crazy Planet¨ (This keyboard is hard to type on) I want to stress that all of this is based on actual experiences.

Hi! It looks like you´re thinking of traveling to the village of Los Toros in the Dominican Republic. Here are some things you might like to know before you leave!

1. Learn how to dance bachata. This cannot be overstressed.

2. Do not forget sunscreen and do not be surprised if all you can find is SPF 2. (I found 50 in the capital later on)

3. Ipods are redundant. If you choose to bring one you will be unable to listen to it. Musice is everywhere. It is my experience that this trip is more of a musical immersion than a language immersion.

4. Practice the names of Dominican baseball players, they will come in handy when making friends. On a similar note, if lacking in baseball skills, expose this fact with caution, for this is regarded with apprehension.

5. Do not expect to speak spanish in the DR. The language here is actually more accurately termed ghsdksdalsdigglgsdg hahahah entiendes? Going along with that, don´t worry about packing the letter S in your bags. Nobody uses it here, not even sesame street. Think of the spanish word mismo. Here it is mimo.

Glad you´ve decide to come! While you´re here....

1. Mismo does not equal mejor. Smack yourself if you tell a taxi driver skillfully weaving through traffic that he is el mismo, and pantimime using a steering wheel.

2. Wait until you can speak in complete sentences before trying to justify your state of agnosticism. (Note, creepy eevangelists are just as easily identified here as anywhere.)

3. Tome is not a mispronounciation of the name Tommy and if responded to with si? can result in a cerveza being handed to you.

4. Do not try to understand Bolivio. No one can.

5. Saying Soy el nieto de Elisa almost always rewarded with a chair and a cup of coffee. When in need of caffiene this is particularly useful.

6. Americano! Americano! can change to Tomas! Tomas! very quickly if you´re willing to display your jump roping skills to the neighborhood muchachitas.

7. When teenage boys, after bragging about how many girlfriends they have, ask you how many you have, do not respond buscando por el amor unless you are okay with several minutes worth of laughter.

8.Get used to sweat stains.

9. When electricity stops, the novellas do not necessarily follow suit. It seems that some houses are rigged with generators so that sin cesos no hay paraiso can continue playing.

10. Learning creole from Haitians named Roberto is neither fast nor easy.

11. Wash your feet.

12. No matter how nice and sad a dog chained to a stake behind your house looks, do not pet it. You may soon need medical attention. (I hope he wasn´t rabid)

13. Do not eat Naranuja dulce. You will experience a sugar high followed by a stomach ache.

14. Bathing in a river is both amazing and humbling. The stereotype of increased size of male genital organs with darker shades of skin was enhanced in my head. I now know that I am outclassed by 10 year old Dominicanos.

15. If awoken by the sound of a squealing pig, do not go outside unless you want to see death for breakfast.

16. Guaguas. A nice and innocent sounding name for a sweaty, cramped, and loud form of informal transportation.

17. You may find trouble if you admit to the wrong person that you prefer one of Brahmia or Presidente beer over the other.

18. As for teaching english, do not expect a class of teenagers to easily understand idioms such as she is a fly honey. Explaining that is a gangster way to say ella es muy linda may or may not help.

19. On the subject of gangsters. There is an odd phenomenon here. The gangster clothing ad jewelery is in full swing here. However, their low riders lack the same intimidation effect when blasting bachata and merengue music. Do not be fooled, when inside the car, the cutom sound systems pack the same punch with Corazon Corazon as any gangster pumping 50 cent ever has.

20. Sometime nodding and saying si entiendo is an excellent way to have a conversation. Other times you may have agreed to something unknown to you, or have answered a question with I understand.


Come back later for more.

I'm back, just in time to leave.

I could offer an apology for not blogging for awhile, but I won't for two reasons.

1. I'm not sorry. 

2. Neither are you.

  That being said, I thought I'd take advantage of the abundant internet access to get in a little update on my existence, and offer an excuse for a lack of future blogs.

  As some of you may know I am about to leave for the Dominican Republic.  I'll be living with Edonia and Domingo in the village of Los Toros de Azua.  It is in the mountainous region of Azua in the Southwest of the country, which is the Eastern 2/3's of Hispaniola (Haiti claims the other 1/3 of the island.)

  I'll be leaving in 6ish days (January 18th) to spend approximately 6 months there, dependent on hurricanes, malaria, regime changes, dengue fever, sunburn, or starvation (defined as a lack of nutrition or love).  While there I will be helping Domingo farm a 5.5 acre plot that belongs to my grandmother.  This plot was purchased during the 90's just after my Gma spent 2 years there in the Peace Corps.  In theory the bounty of this land is being split between Domingo, another guy named Luis, and the poorer villagers.  We'll be working with platenos, yuca, corn, avocados, oranges, grapefruits, mangos, guanabana, guayaba, and cherries. 

  I'd imagine you're wondering, if I know anything about this kind of farming, or if I know any spanish.  The answer is that I know very little of either.  I've done a fair amount of gardening and spent all last summer working with corn, and I took one year of spanish and I'm decent at french.  What I do know, however, is that I have the ability and motivation to work at both of those.  Yea it's going to be pretty tough at first, meaning for the first 4 months, but I expect I'll be all the better for it.

  On the side I'm hoping to get in a lot of reading, and have gotten some help from one of my professors in doing a little personal research into third world conservation and environmental choices.

I am scared out of my mind.  When I took my first malaria pill yesterday, I felt like I was choosing the pill that keeps you out of the matrix.  If Wisconsin is the blissful ignorance of the matrix, then the Dominican is the freedom and hardship of the robot filled reality.  I hope I'm doing my adventure ahead an injustice by making that comparison.  I am excited by the possibilities though, and I'd prefer to emphasize that.

I am just as excited for returning to Madison.  I'm constantly growing more fond of my friends and our time together.  This past semester had its low points, but looking back now, I can't imagine why I ever had a reason to be down.  My friends and family and animal friends are irreplaceable.  Kevin and his ridiculous imagination spent 20 minutes painting a picture of fall semester that can still make me giddy weeks later.  Not even a wedding to Rachel McAdams or Feist could give me the feeling it gave me.  I'm going to use that dream to keep me cool in the hot sun, dry in the rainy season, and warm in the aching cold of Dengue fever.  I will miss everyone dearly, but I know there is adventure at hand.  There will be glory for some, and love for all.

  As for further posting, do not expect many.  From what I understand there is no internet in the village, so contact will depend on the frequency of my trips into Azua or Santo Domingo.

Just look at the big dipper, and know that I'm looking at it too. (Note to Dan and Chris, this does not work.  No dipper.  Pretend the Southern Cross is what I'm looking at.)  

I leave you with these wonderful lyrics from the Flaming Lips - Do You Realize?

Do you realize you have the most beautiful face?

Do you realize we're floating in space?

Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?

Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?

And instead of saying all your goodbyes,

let them know that you know that life goes fast.

It's hard to make the good things last.

You realize the sun doesn't go down.

It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning around.

Love,

Tommy